I wish I could tell you holidays without your kids gets easier.
That with time, it doesn't feel so sad. To tell you that, I'd be lying and giving false hope for your years to come. I wish I could say time heals all wounds but it doesn't. Time continues and moves forward without a thought or care on how anyone feels about it. Time doesn't care how you feel. It will continue to push you forward and as it does, you adapt, you molt, you change.
If this is your first Christmas without your kids, my heart feels for you. Truly feels for you.
My first Christmas morning without my kids was eerily quiet. My home felt sad. My heart felt lonely. I got up as I would every day, I made coffee(as that's what I still drank), journaled then sat on my couch in silence. I looked under my tree with presents that would wait until I saw them. I sat there and cried. Part of my journal entry that day was, "This is my first Christmas morning without my kids...I seem to have a lot of firsts this holiday season...I'm not sure I like this club of firsts, but I've really no choice."
I remember walking to the door of each of my kids bedrooms to see empty beds. I'd already gotten over the loss of not tucking them into their beds each night. But seeing their beds empty on a Christmas morning felt more like a death.
The pain of not seeing your kids after divorce was and is a form of grief. It's a loss. A loss of time. A loss of special moments. A loss of caring for them constantly especially if you've been the primary caregiver as they've grown. It's time that can never be given back and I can say over the years, I made sure to cherish each moment because I know the years of them living at home would be short. They only live with us for a short time before they move on to their own passions and desires. I no longer feel the pain of sadness, my stage of grief now leans towards anger when it rears its head. Anger that my time with them is shorter.
If I can give one piece of advice for the holidays it would be to keep yourself busy. Visit family or friends if they are close, plan a trip, complete a task, declutter or dejunk. Whatever you find to comfort your space and time. For me, when I feel over whelmed...I clean and dejunk. I find comfort in purging things I no longer need. I clean out my closets, I organize. I plan a trip.
Whatever works for you...find it.
Find what comforts YOU to get through your hard. As time goes on, you will start to recognize what you need to get through your hard and you will do those things instead of sitting in paralysis. Please make sure when you do have your kids, that you live in the moment. Enjoy it! Be present and count what blessings you have. Your kids want the best of you and you don't have time to waste the moments you do have with them!
xo
Jessica Anne
If you'd like more information on what has helped me. Click the link below and I'll send you my 5 Top Things to do for Yourself Right Now!
Feel It to Heal It - How I broke through in therapy to push through all the deep caverns that are me
Feel It to Heal It
You will get through it. People would say this to me and I would think, “HOW?” HOW??
It takes time but it is true.
I realized I liked to keep busy so I didn’t have to feel anything. I didn’t have to feel my sadness, my pain, my betrayal.
I didn’t want to have to deal with any of it. I didn’t want to face reality. I didn’t want to admit that my life was changing.
I remember one therapy session, and I’ve had many, I remember succumbing and collapsing into how I felt. I was ready to move forward but I knew the way forward for me was to go completely through it. No more sugar coating, no more bullshit. I wasn’t someone, and still am not someone, that can just move on without fullying thinking about it first. I saw friends go through some really difficult situations to seemingly move forward so simply. Did they really? I know I’m not that person.
In that therapy session I remember saying, “Today, I just need to feel it. I need to be this little girl curled up in a ball, sitting in the corner, alone.” “Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t ask me how I feel or what I’m thinking.” “I am the little girl in the corner trying to process my life.” I was sad and I was grieving. My life was changing. I felt alone and I knew my life was changing at a pace I could in no way control. I had come to a place of knowing that no one could get me through it but me. It was a journey I needed to take alone because this is my story and no one can know exactly how I feel.
So in my next therapy session, I said, “I’m ready to talk about how I feel and if I’m going to carve out the deep caverns that are myself, I’m going to carve them all out.” I went deep. I went full in. I talked about the breakdown of my marriage and how I had given it my absolute best to try to save it. How it takes two people to make it work and I can only do so much. And to go even deeper, I came to the realization that the loss of my brother when I was nine and being bullied in high school all defined who I had become too.
I talked in a way that I became an open book where I do not take anything personally. I was no longer afraid. I have nothing to protect. That’s what it truly was. I was protecting everyone else as if they were more important than myself. Now I am fully, deeply me. And I love me no matter how someone tries to make me feel.
When I think about some of those really dark days, I think about how far I have come in my journey and how my new life is just getting started.
I am me and I am proud of what I am becoming...
XO JessicaAnne
Why do I love using Glo Skin Beauty?
My first go-to for any skincare is... is it animal tested and what are the ingredients. I was introduced to Glo many years ago when I went in for a hair appointment at a Salon I used to work in. I started with their Luminous Liquid Mineral Foundation which I still use today! I love the coverage and it is known to be great if and when you have pictures taken. The Glow is amazing! I have since started using the cream blush and a few other products.
Now, most of the skincare has not been for me. I choose to use other products but I do LOVE their Phyto-Active Conditioning Oil Drops. I will take a drop to add to my foundation or I will add a couple of drops into my moisturizer. I love the way the combination gives that extra glow and hydration.
What makes me love Glo even more?
- High-Quality Ingredients: Glo Skin Beauty is known for using high-quality and skin-friendly ingredients in their products. This can lead to a more comfortable and nourishing experience for your skin.
- Natural Finish: Many users appreciate that Glo Skin Beauty products provide a natural-looking finish. Their foundation and makeup often blend seamlessly with the skin, creating a flawless appearance without looking overly heavy or cakey.
- Skin Benefits: Some Glo Skin Beauty products are formulated with skincare ingredients, such as antioxidants and vitamins, which can provide additional benefits for your skin while you wear makeup. This can contribute to healthier-looking skin over time.
- Longevity: Many users find that Glo Skin Beauty makeup products have good staying power, helping their makeup look fresh throughout the day without frequent touch-ups.
- Cruelty-Free and Vegan Options: For those who prioritize ethical and cruelty-free products, Glo Skin Beauty offers options that align with these values.
- Professional Recommendations: Some individuals might have been introduced to Glo Skin Beauty products by skincare professionals who recommend them for their quality and performance.
- Personal Preference: Ultimately, makeup is a highly personal choice. The way a product feels on your skin, its scent, and how it looks can all contribute to your preference for a particular brand.
Moving away from home and starting college can be both thrilling and overwhelming. One of the most exciting aspects of this new chapter is setting up your dorm room. Your dorm will be your sanctuary, a place to study, relax, and make unforgettable memories with new friends. To make the most of your dorm life experience, here's a list of essential items to purchase for a cozy living space.
1. Bedding:
A comfortable mattress topper, soft sheets, cozy blankets, and supportive pillows are essential for a good night's sleep. After all, a well-rested mind is the key to success in college.
2. Storage Solutions:
Maximize your space with storage bins, under-bed storage containers, and hanging organizers. These will help keep your belongings organized and create a clutter-free environment.
3. Desk Essentials:
Invest in a sturdy desk lamp, ergonomic chair, and desk organizer to create a productive study area. Additionally, a dry erase board or corkboard can be handy for important reminders and inspiration. Also consider a bunk bed shelf to hold a computer and other items.
4. Tech Gear:
A reliable laptop, phone charger, power strip, and portable phone charger are must-haves for staying connected and productive. Also, consider investing in noise-canceling headphones for studying in busy environments.
5. Kitchen Basics:
While most dorms have communal kitchens, it's a good idea to have some essential kitchen items for those late-night snacks and quick meals. A microwave, mini-fridge, reusable water bottle, microwave-safe dishes, and utensils are convenient additions.
6. Personal Care Items:
Stock up on toiletries like towels, shower caddy, flip-flops/shower shoes for the communal showers, and a laundry bag or hamper to keep your laundry organized.
7. Cleaning Supplies:
Cleaning might not be the most exciting task, but it's crucial to keep your space tidy. Purchase basic cleaning supplies such as disinfectant wipes, a broom, a dustpan, and trash bags.
8. Room Decor:
Add your personal touch and make your dorm feel like home with room decor. Posters, fairy lights, wall decals, and throw pillows can transform your space into a cozy and inviting haven. Also consider an oil diffuser to diffuse oils to help with studying, relaxing and every day use. Our house only uses Young Living Essential Oils.
9. Laundry Essentials:
Besides the hamper, you'll need laundry detergent, fabric softener, and dryer sheets. A collapsible drying rack is also useful for air-drying delicate clothes.
10. First Aid Kit:
Accidents happen, so it's better to be prepared. A basic first aid kit with band-aids, antiseptic ointment, pain relievers, and other essentials is a dorm necessity.
11. Study Supplies:
Stock up on notebooks, pens, highlighters, sticky notes, and index cards to stay organized and ace your exams.
12. Entertainment:
Make sure to bring some entertainment options for downtime. Consider bringing books, board games, or a streaming device for movie nights with your roommates.
13. Clothing Essentials:
Pack a mix of casual and formal clothing suitable for different occasions. Don't forget hangers/space saving hangers and an over-the-door hook rack to keep things tidy.
14. Coffee Maker or Kettle:
For those early morning classes or late-night study sessions, a coffee maker or kettle can be a lifesaver.
15. Extension Cords and Surge Protectors:
Dorm rooms may have limited electrical outlets, so extension cords and surge protectors will be handy for charging all your devices safely.
Remember, while it's essential to have all these items, try not to overpack. Dorm rooms are usually small, and you'll be sharing the space with a roommate, so space might be limited. Prioritize the essentials and keep it simple and organized. Setting up your dorm can be an exciting part of the college experience, so enjoy the process and make your dorm feel like a home away from home!
Question I get asked quite often is...'What do you use in your hair?'
While I do have a shampoo and conditioner that I absolutely LOVE(I'll share that at another time)...what I really can't live without is my dry shampoo. Can. Not. Live. Without.
I've used several kinds over the years from box stores to Salons. My far my favorite is Moroccan Oil Dry Shampoo and their dry shampoo is the bomb. What I love most about it is it takes several days before my hair starts to feel any amount of build up from non-washing. I also love that this dry shampoo comes in light and dark for different types of hair colors.
My other favorite go-to is IDK FIRST CLASS Charcoal Detox Dry Shampoo. This is a great dry shampoo on day 3 or 4 of no washing. This is also great for those that workout. The charcoal will absorb excess oils. The downfall I find with this one is that I feel it in my hair due to the charcoal. Regardless, I feel it does its job!
The first thing to understand is you should apply dry shampoo the day you wash it! Before any oils get the chance to build up. Whatever your wash day is, wash...dry...style THEN apply a small amount of Moroccan Oil Dry Shampoo or IDK Dry Shampoo.
Oh and if you'd like to try either of these... here is an Amazon link to see what I'm talking about!
XOXO
JessicaAnne
If this bear could speak.
It would say the most lovely things.
He would say I was there with you while you rocked your first baby to sleep. While you nursed in the quiet of the night when all the world felt still.
He would say I was there during the day as you talked, coo’d and laughed with your daughter, the two of you sharing special moments as you taught her how to talk and communicate. How to be silly. How to have fun. I was also there as you read book after book during the day and before bed. Books read so many times that you were able to recite them by heart. And sometimes you changed the story to be funny and see if she was listening.
She would say I was there when you welcomed your son, where you repeated those same special moments. To make him feel special and loved.
She would say I was with you through the hard nights too, when your babies were sick in the night. When you were tired but they couldn’t breathe with stuffy noses, coughs and fevers. You would stand for hours rocking them to sleep, comforting them with quiet “shhh’s” and some times singing or humming quiet songs just so they could hear your voice.
She would say I could tell you loved those special moments with your babies. When all the world seemed to not exist. Nothing else mattered but the special time in that space. You seemed to know this time was fleeting. Short.
She would say she watched as your babies grew older. You were still able to hold them but they continued to grow and grow. You held them in your arms as long as you could because you knew this time wouldn’t last and children aren’t meant to stay small.
It would say it remembered with children getting older, that meant its time was also getting shorter. It had become tattered and worn. It’s nose torn from a pet. That meant kids bedrooms change, they find their own style. With their own style comes fresh looks and toys. It’s when a mother looks back and remembers me being there. And the no longer babies don’t know all the special moments we’ve cherished.
If this bear could speak.
It would say the most lovely things.
XO
JessicaAnne
Ok, Hey there!
Back in the Summer of 2022, among other projects which I will continue to share, I worked on updating my bathrooms. I wasn't as great at taking pictures and videos of my bathroom but I did take a few of my extra bath. It's the bathroom my kids use and it's in need of a overhaul. Nothing major but I was ready to change my house up in general from my divorce. Paint alone will do WONDERS for updating and changing a look but I was ready for a color change in faucets, fixtures, etc. I realized if I was going to stay in the house, it needed to become a different space.
This room is still a work in progress! I need to find flooring that I like, tile specifically, replace the mirror and the shower faucet too. What I have accomplished is painting over the stain on my cabinet with a Sherwin Williams Emerald paint. I used Naval and I LOVE IT! I have used this color before on a wall in my bedroom and I love the richness it gives to a space.
Sanding, priming and painting took me a full weekend as I wanted to make sure I did it just right. One of my fears with painting cabinets is the paint will peel because I didn't follow the proper steps. I made sure to wait several hours, if not a day, before another coat. All in all, painting the cabinet and drawers took me 3 days. But like I said, I wanted it done right!
Fast forward another few weeks and it was time to replace my faucet and drain. I LOVE what I picked out for this. It's the same faucet and drain I replaced in my other bathroom but in this bathroom I wanted gold. I love the look so far.
Let me tell you, replacing the faucet and drain was no easy task for me. In my other bathroom, my dad came to help me replace it. This time, I felt confident I could do it but SHEESH, that is a tight space to work! Replacing the drain did take 2-3 hours and a little bit of cramping as I was laying inside the cabinet. I think I shed some frustration tears too because I felt it should have been a lot easier. Next time, if there is one, I'll make sure I have a tool for the tight spot against the wall and under the sink. That would have made removing the screws a lot easier. Those of you in trades, you are awesome to work in those spaces all the time!
I'll update as I go...I have a new paint color, Sherwin Williams Alabaster, and a new mirror. If you're interested in some of the look, I have linked the items below. I have loved the quality of all of it!
Cabinet Knobs Cabinet knobs
Gold Light Fixture Gold Light Fixture
Bath Towel Hooks Bath Towel Hooks
Toilet Paper Holder Toilet paper holder
Towel Bar Towel Bar
Gold Faucet KES Gold Faucet
Gold Drain KES Gold Drain
XO
JessicaAnne
I've been using Organic Apple Cider Vinegar for years for health benefit...Years. And it is still my go-to, least expensive product I turn to when I'm feeling I need a pick me up or I'm feeling I need to get back on track with my health. Even though Vinegar is acidic, it promotes alkalinity in the body because of the way it is broken down.
What have I found to be the health benefits of using Apple Cider Vinegar for me?
Originally, I would put about a teaspoon size in my drinking water first thing in the morning. I wouldn't consume anything before taking it. I drank it in my water with a bit of squeezed lemon to boost my energy throughout the day. I found it did work for that. I didn't get the low energy points in my afternoons and I was able to keep a consistent energy level throughout the day. I still do this today!
I drink a small amount with a glass of water when I have an upset stomach instead of ant-acids or any other products.
I have also heard ACV recommended to take in the morning and night to help with metabolism. I say do the research that works for you on that. I will say it does help my energy level and it also makes my gut feel great. So in doing both of those things, I recommend it! I also recommend reading further research to know even more benefits of ACV.
I do not recommend getting any Apple Cider Vinegar unless it contains "The Mother". Having "The Mother" is the pre-biotic, that is where the healthy bacteria are and what you want. I've been using Braggs for year, however, I also recommend Fairchild as it is full concentration. If you are just starting with using ACV, I recommend using Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar because it has some water in it. If you are experienced with the acidity taste and/or want full concentration, I recommend Fairchild Apple Cider Vinegar. Fairchild is unfiltered. I will link here(Affiliate Link)
XO
JessicaAnne
His life story seems too much like a story, a tall tale, rather than real life. Because of his life, I was able to get through some parts of mine.
Who was Louis Zamperini?
His life was so much, I won’t do it full justice. Louis Zamperini was an American World War II Prisoner of war and an Olympic runner. He competed in the 1936 Berlin Olympics and had planned to compete in Tokyo when World War II started. He was known for his speed and trying to break the 4 minute mile.
During World War II, he was in a plane that went down due to mechanical issues. He was lost at sea for over a month with two other airmen, the only survivors of the crash. One of the airmen died during the time at sea. The two survivors, Zamperini and Phillips, survived on rain water and birds that would land on the raft. I remember reading how swollen their skin was from sunburns and how the raft started to disintegrate leaving the color of the raft on their skin. Eventually their raft floated into Japanese territory where they were captured. Zamperini and Phillips were sent to prison camps and tortured, physically and psychologically, for the next two years. Zamperini was repeatedly tormented by one camp sergeant called The Bird. The Bird was notorious for calling out Zamperini, for trying to break him, which The Bird found to be impossible no matter what situation he tried.
I read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand in 2019 which detailed Zamperini’s life. I was so inspired by his strength, his will to survive. His unwavering resolve to remain…unbroken. I remember reading situations where he had to stand for hours holding a beam above his head, worked for hours on end, faced starvation, etc. His mind over matter was astounding to me. How can someone be so strong? So mentally tough?
After reading Unbroken I wanted to know more. I watched any YouTube video I could find of interviews with him. I found his personality quite witty and fun, at least at the time of his interviews. (SPOILER) Later in life he forgave The Bird, although The Bird refused to ever meet with him. This again takes strength and where I found my understanding of forgiveness.
How did he inspire me? How did his life help me through some parts of mine?
In 2019 I was in the mist of figuring out my separation. I knew I was strong, mentally tough, but I felt lost as to my direction in life. I was also planning to run a 5K with my son on Thanksgiving that year. I remember ANY TIME I didn’t want to run I would say to myself, “Look what Zamperini did, you can do this”. I remember ANY TIME I felt I couldn’t handle a situation, a question, or when I felt I was loosing my mental toughness, I would say to myself, “If Zamperini can endure years of torture, you can run 3 miles. If Zamperini can hold up a beam for hours, you can figure out how to do this task. You can overcome this situation. You are stronger than you know.”
His life and these messages to myself inspired me to keep pushing forward. That my mind could overcome what my body felt was sometimes impossible.
Please use this message to inspire you! You are capable of SO MUCH MORE than you know! When times feel tough, call upon your strengths. You can accomplish far more than your mind tells you sometimes. Keep moving forward no matter how you feel that day, no matter how tired you are, no matter what your mind tries to tell your body.
WHEN YOU FEEL YOU CAN'T....YOU CAN!!!
Oh by the way! If you'd like to pick up a copy of Unbroken, here is a link Unbroken(Affiliate Link)
XO
JessicaAnne
20th Wedding Anniversary
Today, June 22nd, 2022, would have been my 20th wedding anniversary.
Today is not a sad day for me. Today is a day to acknowledge on how far I have come.
Did I ever think I would be divorced? Nope.
Did I ever think I would feel this independent in my life? hmm…maybe?
As I look back, I can say I did everything I could to try to save my marriage. There would not be a friend, family member or therapist(s) that would say otherwise. I firmly believe in the institution of marriage. I believe you make a commitment and that in the lifetime of marriage you work through the easy and the hard times.
As I reflect on where I am, and to simplify my current thoughts, I realize that I would never feel as confident and whole if I was still married. In so many ways, I’ve been given a gift of freedom. I don’t say that lightly and only others that have been through the difficult process would understand. It has taken me the last few years to gain the confidence I have now and the openness to talk about it.
I love my life. I love my family, my friends, my kids that helped me through the most challenging moments of my life. They were my life raft when I needed it most and I am forever thankful.
Cheers to you that make it 20 years and beyond. I know that doesn’t come easily. I know you put in the work. I know you put in the time. I’m going to sit back and be thankful for my blessings over here.
XO
JessicaAnne
